Grandmas' Just Plain Wrong
It’s occurred to me over the past few weeks that the content of this blog is missing an essential element.
Everything Quicksilver Times does, supports, shares, and recommends has at its core the lessons learned from the Death, Dying, Grief, and Loss movement. Quicksilver Times grew out of the experience of working with those who are dying. Whatever radical, Evolutionary Revolution Quicksilver Times now endorses was born out of the experience of death. Watching the light go out. That’s where personal evolution begins, and that’s where planetary evolution begins.
Everything Quicksilver Times does, supports, shares, and recommends has at its core the lessons learned from the Death, Dying, Grief, and Loss movement. Quicksilver Times grew out of the experience of working with those who are dying. Whatever radical, Evolutionary Revolution Quicksilver Times now endorses was born out of the experience of death. Watching the light go out. That’s where personal evolution begins, and that’s where planetary evolution begins.
To understand that requires an understanding not only of what is so broken out here in our complex, misguided world, but how change is inexorably tied not first to changing the world, but to awakening each heart. Hopefully the book White Man Dancing – Grief, God, and a Unified Theory addresses the issues, from the micro to the macro. I hope that those who read this blog will read it when it is published – hopefully in a few weeks.
But for now, this blog must reflect the foundation upon which Quicksilver Times is based. In the coming months we’ll look at some fundamental grief issues and how they affect our ability to make changes in ourselves and in our World Community.
All this was brought to mind last evening by a post I saw on Facebook. If there is one place to start examining grief issues and how they affect us – micro to macro – all we need do is look to Denial.
If we can’t look at reality – we will never see it. Denial.
The following Facebook post is a perfect example of using words to seemingly help us deal with the darkness life sometimes brings. In reality the cutesy diversion does nothing except encourage denial, and guilt in the person experiencing loss, grief, confusion, and anger.
Here is the post and my response to it –
Grandmother says... Carrots, Eggs, or Coffee; "Which are you?"
A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She ...was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.
Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.
After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. "What's the point,grandmother?"
Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter.
"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?
Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?
---AUTHOR UNKNOWN —
A young woman went to her grandmother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She ...was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved a new one arose.
Her grandmother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water. In the first, she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs and the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil without saying a word.
In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her granddaughter, she asked, "Tell me what do you see?"
"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.
She brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they got soft.She then asked her to take an egg and break it.
After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.
Finally, she asked her to sip the coffee. The granddaughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma. The granddaughter then asked. "What's the point,grandmother?"
Her grandmother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity--boiling water--but each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong, hard and unrelenting. However after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior. But, after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.
The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water they had changed the water.
"Which are you?" she asked her granddaughter.
"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg, or a coffee bean?"
Think of this: Which am I?
Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity, do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?
Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff?
Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and a hardened heart?
Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you.
When the hours are the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate to another level?
---AUTHOR UNKNOWN —
Response -
Grandmas' just plain wrong. We aren't eggs, carrots, or coffee beans - each of which by the way, in this silly scenario, reacted according to their own unique, specific nature.
This foolish fable tells the granddaughter to take it to another level, but gives not one word of advice on how to do that.
All this succeeds in doing is making us feel guilty for becoming overwhelmed by the darkness life can bring us.
Here's what Grandma shoulda' done –
Grandma took her confused, grieving, angry, frightened, granddaughter in her arms. She held her close, rocked her back and forth, back and forth, like she did when the granddaughter was just a little girl.
"Oh, my darling girl. I love you so much. What you are feeling, the reactions you’re having, are natural. The struggles you're experiencing, the losses you have suffered, the fears that come sneaking into your mind in the dead of night, are beyond understanding. The darkness that comes feels like it's too much to bear. And sometimes it is.
"That's when you come here to me, and to all the folks who love you, and we'll walk through the darkness with you. One step at a time, one breath at a time.
"We won't be able to take away the pain, or banish the darkness, but you will not have to walk this path alone. I could tell you the darkness will pass, and it will, but right now that won't help, because it seems like it never will.
"We will never understand the darkness, but we can pass through it.
"Now you just sit here with me for a while and let me hold you. You go ahead and cry. Every tear is meant to be cried. I'll stay here. With you. I do so love you..."
The granddaughter cried, the grandmother rocked, and rocked and waited.... And loved.
We’ll talk more about such things in the weeks to come.
love,
bill
love,
bill
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